Gay xerxes

Some historians argue that if the Persians had successfully invaded Greece it would have changed the face of Western civilization forever, possibly even erasing the concept of Democracy. Putting aside the trolls, trollocs, giants, zombies, and other fantasy fiction staples comprising the Persian army in the film, or transforming Ephialtes of Trachis into a deformed hunchback, the film still has a great deal of historical accuracy in its depiction of… well… very little of substance in the film is true to history.

While true that Spartan boys were indoctrinated into military life at a very gay xerxes age, the Hoplitesor Spartan warriors, initiation rites did not involve killing wolves, but Helotswho were the Spartans slaves, doing all the menial labor so the Spartans could enjoy their warrior-class lifestyles.

Secondly, I submit the following historically-accurate picture of a Hoplite for comparison to the red-caped, bikini-clad heroes from The Spartans actually wore armor. But this confuses homosexuality with pedophilia and stereotypes homosexuals as lacking masculinity, and one thing neither history nor this film can deny is that the Spartans were definitely macho.

In case this extrapolation is too subtle for you, the point is that Spartans are tough.

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Why leave out this brilliantly poetic statement? To let the movie tell it, the Spartans completely went it alone. Sure, a small band of Greeks showed up, but they were just a bunch of farmers, not warriors, plus they only fought in one scene in the film and they quickly broke ranks and ran away.

The Spartans also had a little bit of luck on their side, when storms sank part of the Persian navy—but mostly it was just those incredibly brave nearly super-human Spartans who fought almost continuously for three days against wave after wave of the Persian army. Gay xerxes even named the film to emphasize how utterly independent and all alone and strong and courageous these Spartans were and stuff.

In the actual battle, the Spartans led an army of over 5, Greekswho fought in rotating shifts throughout the battle, of whom remained with the Spartans to fight in the final assault after the rest of the army decided to flee. Their valiance held off the Persian army long enough for the Athenean-led Greek naval forces to destroy the Persian navy in the Battle of Salamis.

But even putting all of these historical innaccuracies aside, the film remains offensive for its internal logic, or lack thereof. In the movie, as in real life, the Spartans abandon their newborns to die on Mt. Taygetos if they were deemed lacking in vitality. How convenient this explanation for the Spartan policy of eugenics.

Instead of admitting the Spartans had some serious cultural flaws, the film actually tries to rationalize infanticide rather than admit some gray areas that might cloud its tale of ultimate good versus ultimate evil. And what evil. The Persians come in horrific waves.

Then come the Asian hordes, dressed in Oriental garb and weilding samurai swords. These are followed by burka-wearing arabian wizards. The Persians are the evils of multiculturalism come to overthrow the valiant, scantily-clad white guys. But our bare-chested warriors are ready for them.

They are fighting for their right to live their own way, to own slaves, to commit infanticide on children born imperfect, to forcibly rip children from their mothers arms and indoctrinate them militarily by forcing them into violent combat with one another. I do not think it means what gay xerxes think it means.

Many reviewers, historians, and bloggers have wondered what Western civilization would look like today were it not for the battle at Thermopylae. What would have happened if Greek democratic ideals had been conquered by Persian imperialism, replacing the Senate with a Monarchy?

We already know because history shows us gay xerxes did happen. When Christianity conquered Western civilization, the Catholic Church imposed god-appointed kings and abolished all the philosophies and discoveries of Ancient Greece.