How to take it slow in a gay relationship

On reality dating shows, true love is all about the so-called spark. Whether it's finding a match in the pods of Love Is Blind or receiving the first impression rose on The Bachelorcontestants often have only limited time to form a solid connection, and in some cases, get engaged.

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But not all love stories unfold like this. Other times, external situational factors can cause a romance to take months or even years to blossom. Similarly, you could meet a friend of a friend while you're both in relationships, and what starts as a purely platonic connection turns romantic years later when you're both single.

Slow-burn relationships tend to be rooted in three things: friendship, a strong foundation of trust, and the experience of love deepening as the connection progresses, says Molly BurretsPhD, a therapist and adjunct professor at the University of Southern California. Your personality type plays a big role in determining the pace at which you move in relationships.

Slow-burn relationships are common amongst introverts, as they tend to be more cautious in their general approach to life, Burrets says. While extroverts tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves, introverts need more time to share deeper parts of themselves. Your attachment style can also influence whether you gravitate towards a slow burn or immediate attraction.

People with an insecure attachment style are more likely to prefer a deeply passionate, immediate-attraction relationship, according to Burrets, because they tend to worry about the closeness of their connection with a partner. Those with a more secure attachment style, however, often opt for a slow-burn approach, one that is rooted in continuous, measured development over time.

Past experiences can also shape how you approach dating, and can influence how your dating style evolves over time. Cultural norms may also play a role in what you prioritize, Suwinyattichaiporn says. For example, in cultures where arranged marriages are common, attraction and connection often develop over time.

If you grew up seeing that among family members and peers, you might not prioritize the same kind of instant chemistry that friends from other cultures do. But even across cultures, everyone has their own priorities—some may prioritize loyalty, safety, and security, while others may value undeniable attraction.

And lastly, the lessons that were instilled in you during childhood can influence your ideas of how love should be, even subconsciously. For example, the Disney movies that tend to be ubiquitous in childhood often hinge on love at first sight—and that type of love conquering all.

These relationships allow two people to build a strong foundation, increasing the chances of long-term success, says Burrets. If you choose to spend a life with someone, there are bound to be obstacles along the way. Slow-burners can hit a few obstacles in the dating scene, according to Crain.

To prevent a missed connection, communicate that this is your way of dating from the jump—you are interested, it just takes how to take it slow in a gay relationship more time. Case in point: Love Island 's Serena and Kordell. Still, they faced some obstacles given the back-and-forth fluctuation between being a platonic and romantic couple.

All relationships require compatibility to succeed, but it can be an especially important element in a slow-burn relationship because someone who is typically a slow-burner might not be a good fit for someone who requires that immediate, fast-paced attraction, Burrets says. Just like flames need oxygen to keep them alive, relationships need momentum.

A slow-burn relationship can only succeed if a spark of passion is ignited at some point, says Burrets. Of course, there are some exceptions. Another tell: If neither person feels compelled to make plans for the future—the next date, introducing to friends, et cetera—there might not be anywhere for the relationship to grow, adds Suwinyattichaiporn.

Here's Why.