John mulhaney give me money i am very gay

Hahaha, how are you? Thank you very much. I, uh, am doing well myself. That tall child looks terrible! I was a very nervous kid, I was very anxious all the time when I was younger. Like, uhhh, I always thought that, uh, quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.

John Mulaney - New In Town (12)

Because if you watch cartoons, quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about in adult life, behind real sticks of dynamite [holds up one finger] and giant anvils falling on you from the sky [holds arms slightly away from body and looks up]. I used to sit around and think about what to do about quicksand!

I never thought about how to handle real problems in adult life. I was nervous all the time, but I had a good family, I have wonderful parents. This oughta be good! My parents are both lawyers, they are BOTH lawyers, and sometimes they would be like lawyers with us when we were kids.

Did you brush your teeth? My mom was more like Nancy Grace. She would just make wild accusations all day long and wait for something to stick. My mom would blame me for things that happened on the news. Like I had something to do with it! My brothers and sisters and I had this babysitter named Veronica when we were kids, and I was [hushed tone] in love with her.

I was in love with Veronica. She would babysit us on Saturday nights. I was just talking to my mom the other week, I found out that when I was 10 Veronica was So why was she in charge? All she could do was dial the telephone a little better than I could.

People always shush animals. It is a sequel, [audience starts clapping] Yeah, how about that movie? It was a sequel to the movie Home Alone. The streets are numbered. So I have to do it now. Where you wanna go? If I was a Def Jam comic when that movie came out.

When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian-American. Aaaand, the biggest problem with that… is that I am not Asian-American. But when I was younger, [turns head quickly and says while laughing] and this is absolutely true, people thought that I might be Asian-American.

And from the ages of 3 to 8, people thought that I might be a young Chinese person. Kids would make fun of me in middle school.