Gay couple biological child how to decide which partner

By Sierra Dehmler. Every hopeful parent knows they will have to make many important decisions throughout their journey to parenthood. But for gay dads-to-be embarking on the surrogacy process, one of the first big questions to answer is often, "Whose sperm are we going to use? Here at Gay Parents To Be and our partner clinic, Illume Fertilitywe work closely with dads-to-be as they move through the gestational surrogacy process.

One of the first big choices you will have to make is whose sperm will be used to co-create your future child. For gay male couples where both partners were born with testeseither one or both partners could be a genetic intended fathermeaning your sperm will be combined with donor eggs in the laboratory to create your embryos.

Here's what to consider as you move forward with the surrogacy process. Even as more gay couples opt to become fathers through surrogacy, deciding whose sperm to use in the fertilization process can still be a psychological stumbling block for many men. The good news? You won't be navigating all of this on your own.

There are many important considerations that can factor into the decision-making process, including medical, family, and genetic history, and personal desire to have a biological child. Note: If one or both partners either 1 knows they don't have a strong desire to be a genetically-linked parent or 2 knows they are sterile, this decision may already be made!

Starting with a semen analysis for both partners is a smart first step. You may even discover that you or your partner want to work towards improving your sperm health before moving forward with the IVF and surrogacy process. While many intended fathers welcome the chance to be genetically connected to a child, there are a few reasons why one might choose to forgo that option.

Ways to become a parent if you're LGBT+

In other cases, a family history of disease, mental illness, or other inherited disorders can play into the decision-making process. Genetic carrier screening often performed via a simple blood test can help couples make informed decisions about reproductive options, allowing for early intervention and treatment, if necessary, and reducing the risk of passing on genetic conditions.

Note: While this may seem like a potentially overwhelming process, there are genetic counselors on staff at many fertility clinics to help walk you through each step. One of the most important considerations in the surrogacy process is genetic compatibility gay couple biological child how to decide which partner your chosen egg donor more on this below.

Once genetic carrier screening has been completed, you and your partner will meet with a genetic counselor to discuss any potential concerns about the genetic compatibility of the sperm source and egg donor. If you and your partner are both willing and able to contribute to the creation of your future child, but are still unsure about how to make this decision, additional counseling with a social worker or therapist may be a great next step.

Male same-sex couples or any couple without viable eggs will need to find an egg donor. There are a variety of ways to find your egg donor match. Your chosen fertility clinic may have an egg donor program such as Illume Fertility. If you are working with a surrogacy agency, they may also have their own in-house egg donors to choose from.

Some intended parents wish to use a known egg donor, such as a family member or close friend. This can be a wonderful option, but it is important to understand the potential complications that can arise from using a known donor. If using a known donor is something you would like to consider, be sure to discuss this with your fertility clinic and surrogacy agency.

Many pieces of your surrogacy journey as a two-dad family will look similarly to those with only one sperm source! However, when it comes to egg donor selectionthere are a few additional considerations that your clinical care team will help you explore.

Note: If both partners hope to be genetic intended fathers, your clinic will likely guide you towards an egg donor with strong fertility levels, or a donor with a proven history, which gives you the best chance at each having at least one chromosomally-normal embryo. Access free surrogacy resources for dads-to-be, including financial assistance, support services, timelines for IVF and surrogacy, success stories, and much more.

For same-sex male couples who both want the chance to be genetically linked to their future children, the surrogacy process is largely the same as it is for other dads-to-be. After connecting with your fertility clinic and selecting an egg donor, you will start the IVF process.

Half of the donor's eggs will then be combined with sperm from Partner A in the laboratory, and the other half will be combined with sperm from Partner B.